Where Exactly Am I in Him?

Here we go again.. The impatient, always right man is back.. Last night, I told him once again - I hate it when he talks to me with such impatient tone.. People around him gets the utmost patience from him unless he's in a bad mood but me? I get it 24/7, not unless he needs my help that is.. He has said he'll try to change and I know it's difficult to do so but where's the effort? I see it happening for a while and then..*poof*.. gone.


Everytime I tell him how I feel after what he has done, the conclusion is always the same - he getting mad at me for not understanding his position and at times, work.. I just don't get it.. When you tell someone about what they have done, logically they will reflect upon their actions, right? But for this guy, it doesn't seem to happen that way! I really don't know why.. *sigh*


During our talk last night, it seemed to take a while to realize that I wasn't happy.. He came over (1 point for him!) and kissed goodnite (another point for him!) and after giving him some "I'm not happy" face, he asked if I was angry.. I replied yes and and told him the summary.. When I finished, he didn't even do anything until I asked, "You know your gf is angry and you don't wanna do or say anything?" He said yes and leaned over to give me a peck before turning to watch the tv programme. How amazing.. Nothing said from him..


I was so pissed.. I told him everything.. When I stopped halfway coz he fell asleep, he got up suddenly and asked why I stopped.. After blurting out what I could think of, I turned my back against him and slept.. He, turned to the other side and slept too.. NOTHING.. NO ACTIONS.. from him at all.. *sigh* I dunno man.. How can I live with this life even if I very much want to? He has created a fear in me to ask questions.. How sad.. He's my bf but yet I can't ask too many questions.. He's always so impatient.. At times, I've gotta ask someone else to ask.. And I thought I was special.. My arse..


I need a man who can reflect upon his own actions, comfort me, gives in to me at times, remembers his promises, puts in effort, makes me feel loved and important at times, let me know what's happening in his life and plan for our future.. At my age, no future plans seem so scary.. He just wants to buy whatever he likes and live life like how he wants it to be.. Seriously, I don't know if I'm asking too much.. But deep in my heart, I don't think so.. It's all so basic.. *sigh* Only time will tell what my future lies.. For now, I'm scarred.. If we are meant to be, God will plan for him to mend those scars.. If not, one day the scars will open up, get infected and everything will just die off.. Let's just see what happens..