... e L.A.S.T meeting ...

My stuff are packed and now at home, lying in a corner, waiting to be unpacked to their original places.. Shit! I forgot about my clothes in his cupboard.. *gggrrrrr* Gotta lug those back after Sat's training.. Have no space at all! Oh well, gotta clear my junkies to welcome the 'newbies'..

Had a LOOOOOOOONG talk with him.. Everything came as a blow, one by one.. He doesn't wanna give it a 2nd try even though I wanted to and when I had thought about what had actually happened to us.. He needed to see more in me, which he couldn't or which I didn't have.. I dunno what it is but it's just not there.. He needed a best friend, a confidant and so forth.. I thought I was the one but nah, I am not..

During the times when we were together, he said he could picture us together long-term, enjoyed the times we had as it was something special and that he loved me alot.. All are nothing but passing remarks, or should I say, model answers to a ten years series.. We played hockey together, 'killed' each other on the Xbox games like NHL (and yes, I gave him the Xbox - he had more games so I thought, let him have it then..), went partying once in a while, stayed home and enjoyed the Sunday, talked serious stuff and everything else.. Seemed perfect?? Far from it.. He needed a person more than what I am.. Shocked I am but I've gotta accept the fact that things have changed.. Nothing that we've done together for the past 1year 8mths can make him think twice or otherwise about us being together again.. Why isn't there a 2nd chance? I really don't know..

He insisted that there is no girl involved in his decision as to not want to try again.. Is it true?? I really don't know.. Do I even know the real him anymore?? That's a big question mark that may reveal its answer in time to come.. He says there is nothing of that sort but his actions tell another story.. Or am I just (like he always claim) paranoid?? Whatever the conclusion may be, things have to go on..

Friends tell me that it's seems that it's not because of love that I want to try again but more of e 'buey gam wan' feeling. Is it?? I don't know either.. I know for sure that I've stopped crying over him and the lost love.. It's just a part of my wonderful history.. The new year is here and is here to stay for another 361 days.. Gonna make this 361 days meaningful ~ getting that something that I've always wanted, spending more time with my family (have been neglecting them.. *sigh*) and of course, saving up for my own car! Haha!!! Hope I can keep to e promise of my monthly savings.. Kekeke.. I'll try oki!!! Minimum is that amount that we've talked about (you know who you are..) Cannot then go your place and earn extra income lor.. Wahaha!!!

Anyway, it's getting late.. It's a brand new day with a brand new beginning.. He's a coach to me now, nothing more, nothing less.. However, would love to stay friends with him just like 10 years ago but don't think I can do it.. Not that I hate him or anything but I just don't seem to know him anymore.. He's different from the D that I know 10 years ago, let alone 1 year ago.. Things have changed.. Maybe, just maybe, we can be that buddies which we were used to be..