Lyfe is full of turns, obstacles, ups & downs...

Someone once said to me that when you hit 20+ mark, responsibilities will start to gush to into your life.. At that time, I was only 19? I laughed at that remark.. Now at 26, I'm feeling all the shit that I've once seen in drama serials done by Mediacorp..

Since young, I've been pampered.. I get what I want, I do what I want.. Words like curfew or grounded never appeared in my dictionary.. Friends around me envied me 'coz of the freedom I got, e happiness I had in my family.. Thus, as years passed, I became a pampered little child yet somewhat independent until the age of 17 when I started working..

Somehow or rather, I became more matured.. Maybe my biological clock was ticking and getting me to ready for the next stage of life.. During my ECH years, it opened up my eyes to life even more.. My friends around me gave me valuable advice and suggestions towards my different situations.. From there, I picked up the skills to understanding the cruel world a little bit more..

Impacts came and left me injured but luckily I managed to recover just in time for the next round of tsunami in my life.. All the while, my friends were around me to give me that support that I desperately need.. I guess all the events that happened in my life were ways to make me even more matured in thinking and definitely to be independent..

Recently, I'm in some situation that got me really stunned.. I never thought such things will happen to my life.. From being the envy of friends to a stituation whereby Mediacorp will air.. When I look at families enjoying their time together, feel their closeness, I try to recall the last time my family was that close.. I miss my family.. What's a house without a family? Empty shell..

I feel like I'm being forced to grow up.. Facing the possibility of moving out and staying on my own is a big step that I will be making in my life.. Some wonder why.. I have an old man in my life which I promised my mum that I'll take care of him before she passed on.. With me moving out and leaving the old man all alone in a flat, makes me guilty..

But for my safety and future, I have to move out.. Am living in fear right now.. Not knowing what the next day will bring.. It's scary, emotionally and mentally draining.. I was thinking to myself why I'm in this situation when I've not fully recovered from previous events.. But come to think of it, it seems that I'm now ready to take on this current situation.. Got a higher paying job which will allow me to ease my financial status if I move out..

Hhmmmm.. Is it all pre-planned?? I have more than enough reasons to hate him but why can't I?? Why do I feel more guilty than happy that I'm moving out?? Why do I worry so much about his future when he's a threat to mine?? Questions aplenty, Answers somewhere out there..