Happy Family??

I don't know about that.. But I do know that I miss my family, my home, my bedroom and of course, my bed.. I've been staying out for nearly a month.. Or issit more than a month?? I'm grateful to Jass who readily prepared the room for my emergency exit.. Don't wish to impose on her.. *paiseh*

Did my dad really called my brother to get him to ask me to go back home? Or issit just my sis-in-law who thinks that I should go back? I'm not sure.. I wish to go back, solve everything with my dad and live life as per normal.. But I'm skeptical and afraid.. What's there to be afraid of, you may ask.. For starters, how about a crazy person? Followed by the violence that he shows? And ends it with a nice dessert called ego that gets on your nerves?

Just last nite, my aunt called me.. Asked what I wanna show by moving out.. WTH! I was kinda forced to move out.. Looking at what my dad has done, I don't feel SAFE at all to be near him, let alone under e same roof.. But then, he's afterall my dad and this has gotta be solved.. ZY's correct.. I can't run away by looking for a job overseas.. The problem will still linger no matter where I go.. But I'm so sick n tired of pple telling me to GIVE IN to my dad when he has done all sorta wrong things! I blew my top and threw my comments at my aunt.. I was wrong to do that but I've hit my limit.. Tears trickled during the conversation and DAMN! I was at CHA CHAN TING lor!!! Luckily my friends were inside if not I'll be so paiseh.. I don't even know why I kinda cried but I guess it's the really exhausted of giving in and being accused of being the one at wrong.. Nothing that I've done can change the irresponsible brat image my dad has of me since I was in Pri school.. Sad but true..

I know I'm at fault too BUT why do I have to give in? Just because he's my elder or rather, my dad? BULLSHIT! I don't have such theory in my life.. My theory? I give minimum respect to all my elders but the rest of it, please earn it yourself.. If you don't have what it takes to earn the respect then the minimum is what you gonna have.. Maybe my theory is wrong but I live by it and have no problems with other pple except my traditional cheena family.. How I wish I am able to sit down and have a nice talk and sort out everything with that CHINAMAN..

ZY's comment about my MSN nick made me stop and think.. Was I trying to find pple to let me know that I'm not lonely?? I know I wasn't trying to capture attention and that it was more of a vent of anger and that I wanna reflect upon my doings whenever I see my nick.. Somehow, I do feel kinda lonely.. This is kinda a first for me to face such situations without the help of a loved one.. I have frenz helping me while I move along and I'm happy that I've gotten to know these pple.. THANK YOU! I'm coping rather well, I guess.. Not too sure how it is gauged..

As I've said to ZY, I'll try to solve this problem one last time.. If it's a no go, I guess there's nothing I can do nor wanna do anymore.. I really wish for everything to be okay but everything needs two hands to clap.. Mummy, help me out here.. Change that cheena brain of his.. Love you, Mummy! *bao bao*